Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The Z Report - Newsflash 4-19-08


The mystery has been solved! The Z Report has just learned that the real reason actor Gerard Butler has been frequenting Villa so often these past few weeks is that he's been trying to get an autograph from Nicaraguan jet setter and yesteryear fashion trendsetter Bianca Jagger who, with her friend Alana Stewart, has been frequenting the private club with producer Steve Bing. It seems Butler owns a Poster of Mick and Bianca he wants to have framed for the Media Room in his new digs and, although he has the Rolling Stones' signature, he was anxious to get the lovely Bianca's,

The still good looking Jagger has many fans among today's younger generation because of her sense of style, displayed here in a photo with daughter Jade: http://www.handbag.com/fashion/most-stylish-mums-and-daughters-bianca- jagger-jade-jagger/gallery

Come to find out, Bianca and Alana are both fans of Butlers after seeing him in the movie 300 and have been visiting the exclusive club in hopes of meeting him.

Seems they have been at cross purposes and have not been there the same nights as their prey.

Ms. Jagger confessed to owning a King Leonidas action figure, which the 60 year old actress/fashion incon said she kept on her nightstand. She was, however, disappointed that the doll was not anatomically correct and said she had wanted to display it "au natural" as God had intended Men to be. "With Butler's sometime lack of fashion sense, he should think about doing the same!" Ms. Jagger told us.

Alana Stewart was heard telling Jagger that when her daughter Kimberly told her ex, rocker Rod Stewart, that she too owned a King Leo action doll, he jealously wanted to know what kind of action the doll performed and was said to be looking into getting an action figure of himself, only with a movable mouth in addition to other movable accoutrements.

Alana told us that Stewart told their daughter that he was: "keeping the negotiations under my hairpiece because if Mick get's a whiff of this he's going to want one of his own.....and you know no one can beat Mr. Labia Lips when he wants something and I want to be first!"

It seems old dogs keep wanting to learn new tricks to keep up with the youngsters like Butler.

Scientologist Mimi Rodgers was also spotted at the busy club and when asked if she was also a Butler fan the 51 year old actress and ex wife of Tom Cruise said she was only there to put in a good word for Scientology since hearing through the grapevine that the Scottish hottie was on a "speereetual" quest.

46 year old heartthrob Dylan McDermott, who is also an admirer of the Studio 54 regular in it's glory days, was also spotted and photographed clutching an autograph in his fist by the ever present paps and yelling "Eat your heart out Butler! I got to her first!"

Small world isn't it? And who said this club was only the private domain of the twenty-something crowd?

Zoni with a Z (but pronounced with an S)

Disclaimer: The above is a fictional account of some actual events and took place solely in the demented mind of the author somewhere in the twilight zone of LaLa Land.

Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate

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