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| Leonidas takes himself off the menu. |
INT. 300 PREQUEL: DATING GORGO SET - AFTERNOON
Leonidas walks out of the Olive Hall and sees Gorgo walking towards him. He smiles at her and holds out his hand for her.
Leonidas: Sweet Gorgo, ye are a vision ta behold.
Gorgo: You are bonny as well. Are you sure you're ready for this Leonidas? Truly?
Leonidas: Ah'm a bit nairvous, but as ready as a man like me can ever be. (offering his arm) Shall we go before all o Sparta and speak our vows ta the other?
Gorgo: Would you grant me one request before we do that?
Leonidas: If it's in ma power ta grant it, tis yers.
Gorgo: We both have unfinished business to attend to before we speak our vows. I would like us to take a few moments and do it now. Do you know what I'm saying Leonidas?
Leonidas: Ah'm not sure I get yer drift Gorgo?
Gorgo: Ma drift is in the direction of that tent over there. I don't want to be my mother with a Constantine hanging over my life and making me bitter.
Leonidas: Ye canna be yer mother Gorgo. Wi all due respect ta Corinthia, ye dinna have it in ye. She was bitter from the moment Erastes left her.
Gorgo: Perhaps.
Turning to him and cupping his face in her hands.
Gorgo: I know I must share you with the rest of Sparta, Leonidas.....but there is a small part of you that has to belong to only me.
Leonidas: (looking down at his codpiece) Well ta be fair, sweet Gorgo, "tis no' small thing."
(struggling) Besides, ah don't know any Constantines, cept for ma auntie's husband Gaylord and the guy that milks the goats.
Gorgo: (suprised) Gaylord?
Not to be sidetracked, she waves it off.
Gorgo: Nevermind. What I'm saying is that as I have to say goodbye to boys and other girlish toys, and what's left of my family, so do you have to make peace with those that may feel they still have a claim over you.
Leonidas: Ah'm sorry about yer mother Gorgo. Ah canna feel this would be a happy day fer her,seein as I was not one of her favorite pairsons.
Gorgo: She was fond of you in her own way Leonidas. She just blamed you for the deafness in her right ear when she was cross.
(decisive) But we've put that to rest and it will not stand between us.
(nodding her head in their direction) It's your relationship with those women that I can't help but feel has not been put to rest.
Leonidas: Ma marriage ta ye should do that Gorgo.
Gorgo: No Leonidas. They are still looking at you like today's meal and you have to take yourself off the menu. Do you understand? You at least have to try.
Nervously, Leonidas looks in the direction of the tent where Namibilia, Thespacia and company are gathered.
Leonidas: (pondering) Ye know this is like sendin' the Lion into his den and expectin' him ta ignore already marked territory.
Gorgo's meaningful glance leaves no room for misinterpretation and we see Leonidas caving.
Leonidas: (nervously rubbing the top his head) Ye better tell Dilios ta let em start servin' the wine. This may take some doin'.
Gorgo nods in the affirmative and smiles at him as he reluctantly takes leave of her.
Cut to:
EXT. UNDER AN OLIVE TREE - AFTERNOON
Stelios and Astinos are watching the scene between Gorgo and Leonidas unfold and watch Leonidas walk towards the group of women.
Stelios: Do you think this means Leonidas gets to celebrate one last time before he's off the market?
Astinos: Beats me, but he sure doesn't look like he's in a celebrating mood. I see thunderclouds hanging over his head.
Stelios: Your eyesight must be better than mine, but from the looks of those women, I hope he's packing protection.
Astinos: Protection?
Stelios. As in a big stick.
Astinos: Well we know he has that, don't we?
Stelios: Yeah, but I was thinking more in the" to beat them off with" sense.
Astinos: Oh.
Stelios: (tapping him on the shoulder) Come on. Let's have some of that Retsina and see if we can sneak some Calamari. I'm getting hungry.
Astinos: Calamari?
Stelios: Kalamarakia to you, plebian!
Astinos: What the hell is a plebian?
Stelios: Who the hell knows, but since Leonidas will be King one day, I figure I might as well start learning his language.
Astinos shakes his head in the affirmative.
Astinos: Not a bad idea
Stelios: Let's go look at the squab.
They lumber off in good spirits.
INT. A NEARBY TENT - MOMENTS LATER
Leonidas has invited Namibiala, Rhodesia, Thespacia and the other ladies present into one of the serving tents set up for the occasion. He dismisses the servers, asking for privacy and asks the women to be seated. Namibiala refuses and drapes herself over Leonidas.
Namibiala: Leonidas. You are looking mighty fine today. Let's say you an me take a walk down memory lane for old time's sake. She turns and wiggles her shapely as$ at Leonidas.
He puts his hand over his eyes, trying to resist the temptation.
Leonidas: While tis true ye have one fine behind, ma stauesque beauty, ye got ta understand that there is only one tush ah'm goin ta be cuddlin' up ta from now on, and that is ma sweet Gorgo's. While tis also true we shared some great rides once upon a time, that time is past.....(wistfully) even if that past was just a few memorable days ago. Are ye understandin what ah'm sayin' Nammi?
He pauses choosing his words carefully
Leonidas: Besides which, while ah was always very fond o' ye and yer obvious talents, and even some o' yer wigs...... the way ye had o' hangin' em on the bedpost ta cool yerself while we were still goin at it hot an' heavy could be a tarn off. Ta be honest wi ye, I could no' get inta that stockin on yer head. It reminded me of me da's winter sleepin' cap. Twas very Dickensian.
Namibiala: Dickensian?
She turns to Rhodesia.
Namibiala: Bitch, bitch, bitch ! Was he this talkative with you? I mean the guy was a good lay, but come on......who wants to put up with this shit. I can never understand what he's saying half the time either! The reason I wore the wigs to bed in the first place was to muffle the sound of his snoring. And he talks in his sleep too! Always muttering...."I'm a badass, I'm a kickass."
(turning to Leonidas) Well as far as I'm concerned, from now on you're just a plain old pain in the as$!
(taking a breath) And you have the nerve to talk about MY wigs when your hair and yer eyebrows keep changing from brown to red to God knows what color and not even at the same time! Herump.
She turns around, wraps her scarf around her neck dramatically, picks up her designer goat purse and stalks out of the tent.
Leonidas: (under his breath) One down, five ta go an' ah'm still standing.
He turns to Rhodesia.
Leonidas: Rhodesia ma lass... While ye were one o the finest lookin' fillies I ever did see, tis wi regret ah must say goodbye. Yer almond shaped eyes surely bewitched me fer a time, but ta be honest, yer capacity fer understandin how ta maintain ma manscapin' lookin' good was no' very deep, ah'm sorry ta say. Besides yer flirtin wi young Astinos got me thinkin' he was more in keepin wi yer style and the complexities of ma character were too hard fer ye ta phantom, er......ah mean, fathom.
Rhodesia shakes her head and gives him a dirty look.
Rhodesia: Complexities of your character? And the serving wenches and skullery maids at the Inn were more understanding of your complexities, you blowhard?
Throwing her hands up into the air.
Rhodesia: And to think of the nights I lay awake wondering how I was going to make it to work the next morning looking half way decent after ye spent the night kicking me in your sleep and yelling "This is Sparta!"
(throwing her hair back proudly) Not to mention your moaning and groaning about how much "yer" shoulder's hurt and your foot kept dropping and that "yer" cape was too heavy!
She throws her balled up napkin at him and stalks off, stopping to give him one last look before departing the tent.
Rhodesia: And I never was fond of the grey hair showing in the front either. You look like a Zebra half the time! So there!
Leonidas: (puzzled, he touches his braid) What grey hair?
One by one he goes through a similar conversation and goodbyes with each of the remaining women. They are mostly uneventful, except for the firey Romeria who has smashed a cream puff in his beard, until only Thespacia is left.
Thespacia is wiping what is left of the cream in his beard with a napkin.
Thespacia: Well you really know how to say goodbye to a gal, don't you?
He looks at her fondly, licking the last bite of puff from his lips.
He puts his hands on her shoulders.
Leonidas: Lovely Thespacia. Ah know ah don't have ta beat around the bush wi ye. We been behind too many bushes together already and there's no' much ta hide. Ya taught me everythin ah know about women an ah'm thankful ta ye fer it.
(pondering) Although I gotta tell ye, that one "pick up" line ye taught me doesn't do much fer some of em, if ye know what ah mean?
Thespacia: There are many kinds of women Leonidas. You have to pick and choose carefully which ones you use it on. "Wanna fu ck?" is not a one fits all kinda thing.
Leonidas: Now ye tell me.
Thespacia shrugs her shoulders.
Leonidas: Ah'm sorry ta see ya go, but ah gotta do it.
Thespacia: No need to worry about me. I understand my charm for some men. No need for the pretty words if I like you........ and I've got to say you were one wild ride while it lasted. You made me laugh too. I consider you one of my best pupils. Very creative with food.
Leonidas: (blushing) Er, Gorgo's gettin good at it. (eagerly) She even keeps lots of goat cream handy fer dessert these days.
Thespacia: Well I'm glad for you she's not as tight assed as she looks.
Leonidas: Oh her rear is nice and tight, but in a nice way.
Thespacia: Well, I'm thinking of going down to Crete. I hear say my line of work is in demand there. And you well know how I like spending time on sunny islands.
She puts on the hat to cover her fair complexion. Putting her hands out to him, he takes them in is own.
Thespacia: Have a good life Leonidas. And if you ever get down to Crete.....look me up for old time's sake and we'll share some Ouzo.
Thespacia walks out the tent.
Alone, Leonidas sighs heavily, not quite sure he likes this feeling.
Zack: CUT! Take 30 everyone. One more scene and it's a wrap.
Gerry goes up to Zack.
Gerry: Why does some of this sound vaguely familiar?
Zack: Beats me.
Gerry walks off to his trailer, scratching his beard and pondering.
Part 15 - The Main Event.....to be continued again......
This story only take place only in the zany mind of Zoni and in no way reflects real people or real events.
As we have seen, Leonidas is a heart breaker and certainly has a way with worts.
Leonidas walks out of the Olive Hall and sees Gorgo walking towards him. He smiles at her and holds out his hand for her.
Leonidas: Sweet Gorgo, ye are a vision ta behold.
Gorgo: You are bonny as well. Are you sure you're ready for this Leonidas? Truly?
Leonidas: Ah'm a bit nairvous, but as ready as a man like me can ever be. (offering his arm) Shall we go before all o Sparta and speak our vows ta the other?
Gorgo: Would you grant me one request before we do that?
Leonidas: If it's in ma power ta grant it, tis yers.
Gorgo: We both have unfinished business to attend to before we speak our vows. I would like us to take a few moments and do it now. Do you know what I'm saying Leonidas?
Leonidas: Ah'm not sure I get yer drift Gorgo?
Gorgo: Ma drift is in the direction of that tent over there. I don't want to be my mother with a Constantine hanging over my life and making me bitter.
Leonidas: Ye canna be yer mother Gorgo. Wi all due respect ta Corinthia, ye dinna have it in ye. She was bitter from the moment Erastes left her.
Gorgo: Perhaps.
Turning to him and cupping his face in her hands.
Gorgo: I know I must share you with the rest of Sparta, Leonidas.....but there is a small part of you that has to belong to only me.
Leonidas: (looking down at his codpiece) Well ta be fair, sweet Gorgo, "tis no' small thing."
(struggling) Besides, ah don't know any Constantines, cept for ma auntie's husband Gaylord and the guy that milks the goats.
Gorgo: (suprised) Gaylord?
Not to be sidetracked, she waves it off.
Gorgo: Nevermind. What I'm saying is that as I have to say goodbye to boys and other girlish toys, and what's left of my family, so do you have to make peace with those that may feel they still have a claim over you.
Leonidas: Ah'm sorry about yer mother Gorgo. Ah canna feel this would be a happy day fer her,seein as I was not one of her favorite pairsons.
Gorgo: She was fond of you in her own way Leonidas. She just blamed you for the deafness in her right ear when she was cross.
(decisive) But we've put that to rest and it will not stand between us.
(nodding her head in their direction) It's your relationship with those women that I can't help but feel has not been put to rest.
Leonidas: Ma marriage ta ye should do that Gorgo.
Gorgo: No Leonidas. They are still looking at you like today's meal and you have to take yourself off the menu. Do you understand? You at least have to try.
Nervously, Leonidas looks in the direction of the tent where Namibilia, Thespacia and company are gathered.
Leonidas: (pondering) Ye know this is like sendin' the Lion into his den and expectin' him ta ignore already marked territory.
Gorgo's meaningful glance leaves no room for misinterpretation and we see Leonidas caving.
Leonidas: (nervously rubbing the top his head) Ye better tell Dilios ta let em start servin' the wine. This may take some doin'.
Gorgo nods in the affirmative and smiles at him as he reluctantly takes leave of her.
Cut to:
EXT. UNDER AN OLIVE TREE - AFTERNOON
Stelios and Astinos are watching the scene between Gorgo and Leonidas unfold and watch Leonidas walk towards the group of women.
Stelios: Do you think this means Leonidas gets to celebrate one last time before he's off the market?
Astinos: Beats me, but he sure doesn't look like he's in a celebrating mood. I see thunderclouds hanging over his head.
Stelios: Your eyesight must be better than mine, but from the looks of those women, I hope he's packing protection.
Astinos: Protection?
Stelios. As in a big stick.
Astinos: Well we know he has that, don't we?
Stelios: Yeah, but I was thinking more in the" to beat them off with" sense.
Astinos: Oh.
Stelios: (tapping him on the shoulder) Come on. Let's have some of that Retsina and see if we can sneak some Calamari. I'm getting hungry.
Astinos: Calamari?
Stelios: Kalamarakia to you, plebian!
Astinos: What the hell is a plebian?
Stelios: Who the hell knows, but since Leonidas will be King one day, I figure I might as well start learning his language.
Astinos shakes his head in the affirmative.
Astinos: Not a bad idea
Stelios: Let's go look at the squab.
They lumber off in good spirits.
INT. A NEARBY TENT - MOMENTS LATER
Leonidas has invited Namibiala, Rhodesia, Thespacia and the other ladies present into one of the serving tents set up for the occasion. He dismisses the servers, asking for privacy and asks the women to be seated. Namibiala refuses and drapes herself over Leonidas.
Namibiala: Leonidas. You are looking mighty fine today. Let's say you an me take a walk down memory lane for old time's sake. She turns and wiggles her shapely as$ at Leonidas.
He puts his hand over his eyes, trying to resist the temptation.
Leonidas: While tis true ye have one fine behind, ma stauesque beauty, ye got ta understand that there is only one tush ah'm goin ta be cuddlin' up ta from now on, and that is ma sweet Gorgo's. While tis also true we shared some great rides once upon a time, that time is past.....(wistfully) even if that past was just a few memorable days ago. Are ye understandin what ah'm sayin' Nammi?
He pauses choosing his words carefully
Leonidas: Besides which, while ah was always very fond o' ye and yer obvious talents, and even some o' yer wigs...... the way ye had o' hangin' em on the bedpost ta cool yerself while we were still goin at it hot an' heavy could be a tarn off. Ta be honest wi ye, I could no' get inta that stockin on yer head. It reminded me of me da's winter sleepin' cap. Twas very Dickensian.
Namibiala: Dickensian?
She turns to Rhodesia.
Namibiala: Bitch, bitch, bitch ! Was he this talkative with you? I mean the guy was a good lay, but come on......who wants to put up with this shit. I can never understand what he's saying half the time either! The reason I wore the wigs to bed in the first place was to muffle the sound of his snoring. And he talks in his sleep too! Always muttering...."I'm a badass, I'm a kickass."
(turning to Leonidas) Well as far as I'm concerned, from now on you're just a plain old pain in the as$!
(taking a breath) And you have the nerve to talk about MY wigs when your hair and yer eyebrows keep changing from brown to red to God knows what color and not even at the same time! Herump.
She turns around, wraps her scarf around her neck dramatically, picks up her designer goat purse and stalks out of the tent.
Leonidas: (under his breath) One down, five ta go an' ah'm still standing.
He turns to Rhodesia.
Leonidas: Rhodesia ma lass... While ye were one o the finest lookin' fillies I ever did see, tis wi regret ah must say goodbye. Yer almond shaped eyes surely bewitched me fer a time, but ta be honest, yer capacity fer understandin how ta maintain ma manscapin' lookin' good was no' very deep, ah'm sorry ta say. Besides yer flirtin wi young Astinos got me thinkin' he was more in keepin wi yer style and the complexities of ma character were too hard fer ye ta phantom, er......ah mean, fathom.
Rhodesia shakes her head and gives him a dirty look.
Rhodesia: Complexities of your character? And the serving wenches and skullery maids at the Inn were more understanding of your complexities, you blowhard?
Throwing her hands up into the air.
Rhodesia: And to think of the nights I lay awake wondering how I was going to make it to work the next morning looking half way decent after ye spent the night kicking me in your sleep and yelling "This is Sparta!"
(throwing her hair back proudly) Not to mention your moaning and groaning about how much "yer" shoulder's hurt and your foot kept dropping and that "yer" cape was too heavy!
She throws her balled up napkin at him and stalks off, stopping to give him one last look before departing the tent.
Rhodesia: And I never was fond of the grey hair showing in the front either. You look like a Zebra half the time! So there!
Leonidas: (puzzled, he touches his braid) What grey hair?
One by one he goes through a similar conversation and goodbyes with each of the remaining women. They are mostly uneventful, except for the firey Romeria who has smashed a cream puff in his beard, until only Thespacia is left.
Thespacia is wiping what is left of the cream in his beard with a napkin.
Thespacia: Well you really know how to say goodbye to a gal, don't you?
He looks at her fondly, licking the last bite of puff from his lips.
He puts his hands on her shoulders.
Leonidas: Lovely Thespacia. Ah know ah don't have ta beat around the bush wi ye. We been behind too many bushes together already and there's no' much ta hide. Ya taught me everythin ah know about women an ah'm thankful ta ye fer it.
(pondering) Although I gotta tell ye, that one "pick up" line ye taught me doesn't do much fer some of em, if ye know what ah mean?
Thespacia: There are many kinds of women Leonidas. You have to pick and choose carefully which ones you use it on. "Wanna fu ck?" is not a one fits all kinda thing.
Leonidas: Now ye tell me.
Thespacia shrugs her shoulders.
Leonidas: Ah'm sorry ta see ya go, but ah gotta do it.
Thespacia: No need to worry about me. I understand my charm for some men. No need for the pretty words if I like you........ and I've got to say you were one wild ride while it lasted. You made me laugh too. I consider you one of my best pupils. Very creative with food.
Leonidas: (blushing) Er, Gorgo's gettin good at it. (eagerly) She even keeps lots of goat cream handy fer dessert these days.
Thespacia: Well I'm glad for you she's not as tight assed as she looks.
Leonidas: Oh her rear is nice and tight, but in a nice way.
Thespacia: Well, I'm thinking of going down to Crete. I hear say my line of work is in demand there. And you well know how I like spending time on sunny islands.
She puts on the hat to cover her fair complexion. Putting her hands out to him, he takes them in is own.
Thespacia: Have a good life Leonidas. And if you ever get down to Crete.....look me up for old time's sake and we'll share some Ouzo.
Thespacia walks out the tent.
Alone, Leonidas sighs heavily, not quite sure he likes this feeling.
Zack: CUT! Take 30 everyone. One more scene and it's a wrap.
Gerry goes up to Zack.
Gerry: Why does some of this sound vaguely familiar?
Zack: Beats me.
Gerry walks off to his trailer, scratching his beard and pondering.
Part 15 - The Main Event.....to be continued again......
This story only take place only in the zany mind of Zoni and in no way reflects real people or real events.
As we have seen, Leonidas is a heart breaker and certainly has a way with worts.
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