Monday, August 16, 2010

You Gotta Have Vag! - More Hot Water for the Muse

You gotta have vaaaaaag....
Gerry was purported to have uttered the one word "vagina" in response to a reporter asking him what he considered essential to a woman he would be interested in.  I say purported, because there was never any video recording of the incident, but only second hand information from a gossip blog.  As with all things Gerry, it quickly went down in Gerard Butler lore as fact and thousands of shocked fans started turning on their idol.

A little later, when Gerry was promoting 300, a Japanese interview was published and someone asked if anyone knew how to translate it.  I volunteered my services with gleeful mischief and knowing of GB's love of  karaoke, this was the result:

Translation of Japanese Magazine Article by Zanystonate
May 1st, 2007
I agreed to meet actor Gerard Butler at the Karaoke bar down the block from his hotel to discuss his role as King Leonidas in the movie 300. My first clue this night was not going to go as planned was the fact that there were 3 empty Red Bull and coke bottles sitting in front of him by the time I arrived. After greeting me it seemed to me Mr. Butler was more interested in participating in the singing contest than in discussing his movie.
Says Butler: "I'm so tired of discussing the abs I don't have any more that I seriously need a break. We'll talk, but first excuse me because I'm up next."
He went up to the microphone and proceeded to sing the following lyrics to the tune of Damn Yankees' ..."You Gotta Have Heart': 

"You Gotta Have Vag"

You gotta have vaaaaaaaaaaaggg.
All you reeeeelllly neeeed is vaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggg.
Oh it's fine to be a female in shorts,
as long as those shorts fit a nice aaaaasssssss.

You gotttaa be cuuuuuuuuute.
Yes you gotta be a beauuuuuute....
For to make it with a fellow like meee
who's weak in the kneees right from the staaaart......Then you gotta be smaaaaart.

When my grey hair needs some color,
and my muscles start to sag,
I need someone there to cheer me.
Someone sweet that I can shag....There's nothing to it....I just do it.

You gottta have styyyyyyyyllllle
with long legs that go for miiiiiiiillles
And some eyes that make my poor Scottish heart
forget all those Tarts for just a whiiiiile.....Yes you gotta have styyyle.

When my luck is battin' zeeroooo
Call some friends upon the phoooone....
Tell them they can be a heerooo
If they'll only drop their drawers.....There's nothing to it, please just do it!

You know I like vaaaaaagggg,
Black or White or Asian aaaaaass.
Then throw in a cute Latina of course
as long as the source is fulll of sassssssss.
Cause you know I like vaaaaaagg... Cause you know I like vaaaaaaaagg..................give this boy some vaaaaaag...

We didn't get to finish our interview because Mr. Butler was promptly escorted from the premises by irate security and the last I saw of him he was being chased down the block by a slew of women.
In lieu of an interview, here are some photos from 300 for your viewing pleasure.

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