Wednesday, August 18, 2010

300 Prequel: Dating Gorgo - Part 15 The Main Event #3

by zonistonate   7 hours ago (Sat Jul 14 2007 03:42:25)

Gerry is sipping a latte during a break in filming when his manager Alan comes up to him.

Alan: Hola. I just got off the phone with Jeremy and he says now they upped the offer another mil and you get a percentage of the profit once the studio has garnered a certain percentage over cost. They are still negotiating those terms. It's sounding too good to turn down.

Gerry: This is getting stupid. Aren't people sick of all this Spartan stuff already?

Alan: Doesn't look like it. I mean they can't very well do a sequal to Leonidas story can they? It's a trend and people love you as Leonidas. Jeremy also heard Zack has signed on to direct again. You'd think he'd get tired of this stuff after Watchmen, and now doing Watchmen two after this movie wraps. But looks like he's hot to do the sequel to the 300 prequel.....Leonidas and Gorgo: The Middle Years.

Gerry: And we're supposed to start shooting when?

Alan: The spring after Zack is finished with Watchmen 2 and you are finished with Game II: Strike Three.

Gerry: Ah don't know. That means I gotta spend six more months in the gym between those two movies. I've already got enough chaffing from these mini costumes ta last a life time and not even the Gold Bond powder works anymore. Ma thighs just keep gettin' bigger. They're goin' ta be round my ankles when I'm an old man.

Alan: Hey at least the offers are steady. So you're a bit overexposed.

Gerry: I'm on the cover of Beefcake of the Year for the second year in a row. What happened to ma Oscar? I'm supposed ta be a serious actor here.

Alan: Perhaps for Therese Raquin. It's back on the burner from what I hear from Glenn Close's people. Laurant is yours if you still want to do it. They are willing to work around your schedule, since the older she gets the less make up they have to do for her.

Gerry: Well, at least fer that one I can let maself go.. That would'n't hurt ma feelings. Who are they looking at ta play Therese?

Alan: Some newcomer called Dani Calistoga. Ever hear of her?

Gerry: Nope.

Alan: By the way, I got the photos from Ischia back. You'll be glad to see there are no wedgie pictures this year and the ones of you and Romey Ectatica came out really well. You are a devil though, I didn't notice where you had your hands in a couple of those. Let's hope no one picks up on it. We'll play up the publicity stills with Melody Prim which turned out good as well. We have to show you are an equal opportunity kind of guy.

We also have a video of you romping in the hotel pool with the "Big Mommas of Ischia Love Gerry" fan club . Although we are going to have to splice out that dive you took where you landed on top of the fan with the tripple D bazooms. Your face in her cleavage isn't the image you want to project.

Gerry: (puzzled) It's not? I thought we were trying to downplay the photos the razzi took of the "We Love Gerry Too- Italian Fire Island Club." It's not my fault that the hotel wouldn't let them in the pool area with their micro speedoes.

Alan: Well you have to admit our private autograph session with them later in the week saved the day. They were ready to go to the newspapers and the razzi photos just played up the hotel's part in all this. Hopefully it'll stay that way.

Gerry: Yeah, yeah, with my luck that's the one that'll hit the evening news. I can see it now, "King Leonidas and his Fey 300 hit the beach at Ischia."

Alan: Be nice.

Gerry: I am nice. What's that got to do with all this?

Alan: You worry too much. Leave that to me.

Gerry: Now where have I heard that one before? Ah yes, just before your little scheme ta put me on another "Save the World" concert and I couldn't read the teleprompter and told the audience ta be sure they were screwing properly before tarning on the lights.

Alan: Hey, it's not my fault you won't get contacts. Besides if your brain was in the right gear, those things wouldn't happen. You need to get your thoughts outta your pants.

Gerry gives him a dirty look.

Alan: I saw you looking at Rihanna's ass before going out to do your bit.

Gerry: No more concerts unless I get to sing and you can tell Jeremy that too!

Alan: So, how about the next time you sing : "Get your coat and get your hat, leave your worries on the doorstep, instead of turning on heat, stand on the Sunny Side of the Street".............

Gerry: (making a face) Very funny!   Are ya booked inta The Improv yet?

Gerry turns around and throws out his coffee cup and takes a big swig of water from is bottle, swishing it around his teeth to keep the coffee from staining them. Ah gotta go and channel Leonidas again. Now that stupid song is gona go round in ma head. Stick around.

He returns to the set.


His good byes to the women he has known and loved weigh heavily on Leonidas, but he is determined to make a fresh start with Gorgo. He pulls out the parchment where his vows are written and sits down to make some additional notes. He is still there when Captain comes in.

Captain: Well Leonidas are you ready for the big event?

Leonidas: Ah guess ah am now. Ah'm goin' ta have ta read em though. Ah had most of em memorized, but ah keep makin' changes an ah'm not sure ah can remember all of em.

Captain: I saw Thespacia and the others coming out of the tent. How did it go?

Leonidas: Harder than ah thought. I had ta say some things ah'd rather not have, but it did the trick. Funny thing is, ah don't remember doin half of the stuff they said ah did, cept fer the snorin' maybe.

He scratches his head in bewilderment.

Captain: Well women do have a way of saving up past transgressions and bringing em out when you don't even remember em anymore.

Leonidas: Ah guess so, but ah swear ah never had any red eyebrows.

Captain: Shall we go?

They walk out of the tent and onto the festive scene before them.
He sees Gorgo greeting guests and goes up to her.

Leonidas: Ah'm ready fer ye Gorgo. Shall we get on with sayin our vows.

She looks him over, noticing a trace of melancholy. She takes his hand and squeezes it and kisses his cheek.

Gorgo: That took the guts of a real Spartan Leonidas.

Leonidas: Perhaps sweet Gorgo, but it sure felt like ah was sayin' goodbye ta more than ma past.

He gives her a soulful look.

Leonidas: But if that's what it takes ta prove ma love fer ye lass, than ah can live without that little bit o ma heart.

Wisely, she does not answer him, silently knowing she will be more than able to fill up the space eventually.

Leonidas puts out his arm and she takes it as they approach the olive branch strewn alter with the little fire in the center where they will drink the Retsina after exchanging their vows.

Leonidas turns to the crowd, which has quieted down to let him speak.

Leonidas: Ma fellow Spartans. Ah'm here today ta recite ma vows an make sweet Gorgo ma wife. We both welcome ye an thank ye fer sharin' this joyous occasion wi us.

Ah hope ye enjoy the birts an' stuffed chickens especially, because ah'm payin through the teeth fer em thanks ta Astragalus who's got a hearin' problem.
  Many thanks ta all of ye who have contributed some of the delicious Greek delicacies that we Spartans mostly do without the rest o the year because we are, in essence, Spartan. It is only on these occasions that we indulge in the sybaritic pleasures our sissy Athenian cousins indulge in every day, though ah must confess ta a weakness fer some o them. Ah'm sure by the time I near ma Kingship, ah will have lost ma taste fer em an' have developed a taste fer wheatberries and olives that are so traditional ta our Spartan diet. Gorgo assures me wi her cookin ah will be longing fer these Spartan foods, although we both have a weakness fer desserts and that is somethin' we will not be givin' up anytime soon. We are both fond o the plates they are presented on.

Gorgo squeezes his arm and shakes her head slightly to get him to change directions.

He smiles at her fondly.

Leonidas: (clearing his throat) Since ah'm the man o the house, ah will speak ma vows first.

He turns to her and unfolds his parchment, which drops to the floor in it's length.

Leonidas: Ma sweet Gorgo. From the day ah met ye when ye kilt that spider on ma leg, ah knew that ye would be ma betrothed. Ma manhood was in danger an ye dinna hesitate ta step in an save it, wi yer quick thinkin' an yer use o' a handy pot. That ye broke ma shin bone wi yer whack dinna matter as we Spartan's are taught no' ta feel pain. The eight hour erection wi my codpiece woulda been warse.....and takin' off the codpiece dangerous ta the maidens o Sparta, no' ta mention ma manhood, as their mothers would no' have been so happy as the maidens wi me.

Stelios mumurs under his breath to Astinos.

Stelios: Aren't you glad we snuck the Calamari? From the way he's winding up were gona be here all night before we eat.

Astinos shakes his head and the Captain gives them both a menacing look.

Leonidas: From that day on, we were inseperable, cept fer when ah went off ta fight and stay at the Inns wi new friends an employees o the Inn. And, while ah enjoyed the benefits, ah sorely missed ye and yer beautiful smile.

That our love survived yer mother, when she was alive, was "no' small thing." That it survived her tragic death,
was a really big thing. But thanks ta my abilty ta squeeze out some tears on command, I was able ta overcome that strike against me and come through wi flying colors. The Vagina incident was not so easy ta get past.....but ah think ye have finally even fergiven' me fer that. Have ye no'?

He looks at her and she reluctantly nods.

Leonidas: Unfortunately, thanks ta a well placed punch from ma beloved, ah now have what is known in Spartan circles as "a crazy eye", which seems ta wander a wee bit when ah'm tired or when a pretty maid strikes ma fancy.

Gorgos imperceptible twitch makes an impression.

Leonidas: Which does no' happin often, since ah only have a crazy eye fer ma sweet Gorgo. An ta prove it, ah have bid a farewell, reluctant though it twas, ta some fine ladies from ma past. It is wi a sad heart that ah ask ya ta raise yer glasses as ah quote from ma favorite Carpathian poet.

We hear Leonidas clear, sweet voice raised in song:

Should auld acquaintance be firgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should auld acquaintance be firgot,
and auld lang syne ?

For auld lang syne, my dear,
fir auld lang syne,
we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
fir auld lang syne.
And surely ye’ll be your pint-stoup !
And surely I’ll be mine !
And we’ll tak a cup o’ kindness yet,
fir auld lang syne.

We twa hae run about the braes,
and pou’d the gowans fine ;
But we’ve wander’d mony a weary fit,
sin’ auld lang syne.

We twa hae paidl’d in the burn,
frae morning sun till dine ;
But seas between us braid hae roar’d
sin’ auld lang syne.

And there’s a hand, my trusty fiere !
And gies a hand o’ thine !
And we’ll tak a right gude-willie-waught,
fir auld lang syne.

As Leonidas looks over the crowd and his voice trails off the final stanza, he notices that the women he has said good bye to are still all gathered in a corner holding glasses, and misty eyed himself, he raises his glass to them.

Gorgo notices it and she gets misty eyed herself knowing the soft heart that lies beneath the hard breast she lays her head on, will only belong to her if she is smart enough to know that it really only belongs to him and he alone can give it to her. For now each of those women has earned a piece of it and she must let him say good bye in his own way, which is what he is doing.

He turns to her giving her his full attention.

Leonidas: An now my bonny is wi ma soul that ah pledge ma love ta ye, now an always and ah take ye ta ma bed and ta ma house wi out reservation. Ye shall be ma softness when ah am hard, and' my hardness when ah get too soft. Ah will share ma travels an' ma ways o' the world wi ye. And ye shall share wi me yer sweetness and yer strength.

Smiling at her.

Leonidas: Ah know that bein' a Spartan already makes me Looney Tunes material, but ah thank ye fer yer patience wi me when ah ramble on an ferget what ah was goin ta say, and when ah get antsy from sittin' too long. Ah know ah'm one ball o fire sometimes and yer good at throwin some cold water on me. Well not literally, in actual fact, but figuratively speakin'. Ye know ah like ma baths hot when ah made Orestes build the bath house. But that's another story altagether.

Leonidas: Yer ma match an we dinna even hav ta go through ta find out.

Gorgo looks perplexed and Astinos and Stelios look at each other and shake their heads, rolling their eyes.

Zack: CUT! CUT!

Let's take another break. We are going to be here a while. I forgot how long Leonidas vows were.

Gerry: Tell me about it. Did ye guys have the runs when ye wrote it?

Zack: Have another latte so you can fidget a bit more with the rest of your speech, why don't you.

Gerry: I wasn't fidgeting.

Zack: Then what was all that wiggling your ass.

Gerry holds up his bottle of water.

Gerry: I've had two of these and I have to take a piss again. You should drink more water.

Zack: Why? So I'll be running off to the bathroom every five minutes like you. Besides, all that coffee you drink is a a natural diarrheatic you know.

Gerry: I do it just to annoy you. Aren't you looking forward to more of this?

Zack: I'm beginning to think I'm a masochist after all.

Gerry: Does that make me the sadist?

Zack: No, it just makes you a pain in the ass.

Gerry: Now where have I heard that before?

To be continued "one more time."

This story takes place only in the mind of the writer and is totally fictitious.

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