|"These are ma real abs, Gorgo."|
INT. 300 PREQUEL: DATING GORGO SET - MORNING
Gianni Nunnari and Mark Canton are watching the dailies with Zack and Frank. Gerry, who is supposed to be there for a meeting, is running late as usual.
After watching a few of the later scenes, Gianni speaks up.
Nunnari: Is it just me, or is Leonidas starting to sound different in the more recently filmed scenes?
Canton: Yeah, I noticed that too. I thought it was my imagination but.....
Frank: That doesn't surprise me. The kid has four balls in the air all at once.
Zack: You mean apart from the ....... Nevermind. I think I've been around him too much lately. (picks up his cap and scratches his head) I can't believe I didn't pick it up.
Nunnari: Run the last two scenes again and you'll see.
The projectionist runs the last reel. When it is finished they all sit in silence.
Frank: He's channeling Burns again.
Zack: Fu ck!
Canton: What'll we do? We have to bring this movie in under budget.
Zack: Can we re-shoot them?
Gianni: You don't have time. It's scheduled to go to the CGI boys at the end of next week.
Just then Gerry runs in.
Gerry: Sorry, sorry ah'm late. but ......
He notices the consternation on their faces.
Gerry: What's wrong? What did I do now?
Zack: Well you know how you went through your Leonidas badass phase for a while after 300?
Gerry: Yeah. Why ye bringing that up now?
Zack: I think you're having some residual Burns in the last few scenes, or perhaps just too much Gerry?
Zack: See for yourself.
The projectionist runs a few of the earlier scenes and the two latest ones. When the lights come up they are all sitting with blank looks on their faces.
Gerry: Do ye think anyone will notice?
They all turn and look at him.
Zack: We don't have time to re-shoot. You'll have to do some dubbing.
Gerry: Shi t. The story of ma life. I'll bet Sean Connery never had to do any dubbing! Why me?
Canton: I've got an idea. You know it's just really more noticeable in the last two scenes. You've only got two more scenes to shoot after today's, right? Couldn't we just write something in there about Leonidas' mother secretly being from another part of Greece or something and that when Leonidas gets nervous, his mother's native dialect slips out?
Zack: You may have something there Mark.
Gianni: Just might work. Can you and Zack come up with something Frank?
Gerry: Crap ! I was just getting used to being a Greek.
INT. 300 PREQUEL: DATING GORGO SET - LATER THAT DAY
Gorgo: (clearing her voice) Now let me get this straight. You want me to move into your place instead of you moving into mine?
Leonidas: Well ye gotta admit sweet Gorgo, ma place is certainly more atmospheric and I'm thinkin' our Bird Bed would look a lot better there than in yours. Ah also get a good echo in the place too, so ma voice sounds better when ah sing in the shower. Ye know it takes lots of practice to be able to command yer men with a convincin' voice.
Besides, ma decorator has spent a lot of time gettin' it just right fer me and I can't come out and tell him ah'm thinkin' of puttin' it on the market.
Gorgo: But Leonidas, your place reeks of bachelor pad, lions lair. It's so big, and a bit theatrical don't you think?
Leonidas: (prideful) It befits a future King dear Gorgo. With a few touches here an' there, it will be home sweet home.
Gorgo: I don't know...... I'll have to think on it,..... along with those last few choice bits of your "tarn me on" list. I never realized you were so into...exotic. I mean I can see you wanting to wear a ring on your finger, but on your........... (sighing) And this nasty Sanchez Panza thing sounds like something out of Don Quixote. I will not don a mustache! Even for you.
She shakes her head.
Leonidas: Okay, I can do without the mustache. Although I'm sure Sertuchio could whip ye up a cute, dainty one from his paintin' brushes and a bit of glue.
Gorgo: I don't know Leonidas. It's sounds like this "nurturing your freak" stuff is getting a bit out of hand.
Leonidas: Well, if ye think I'm freaky, ye should get a look at the next King of Persia. Talk about exotic. Or ye could end up wi' a guy like young Dilios. He would tell ye bedtime stories and talk ye to death. But you'd be missing a whole world I'd open up for ye dear Gorgo. And I need yer calmness to be the balm to my wounds. Not that I have any yet, but I anticipate I will, being as ah'm a Spartan.
Gorgo: I love you Leonidas! I guess that means loving all of you, and there is an awful lot of you to love too! But a girl can just take in so much information at once. All this will take a bit of getting used to.
Leonidas: Ah promise to make ya happy, sweet Gorgo. I'll even wear those nose thingys ta keep me from snorin' so loud. Ah promise. And ye shall be ma Queen and learn to kick the ass out of my enemies like any good Spartan wife.
Gorgo: Well I suppose it beats marrying a head shrinker or an axe murderer.
Leonidas: (surprised) Where did that come from?
Gorgo: (surprised) I don't know. I lost my mind?
Leonidas: Dinna fash yersel', ma bonny Gorgo. Now it's yer turn. Ye must tell me what tarns ya on. It's only fair. I want to please ye. If I can open up ta ye, so can you....ta me, ah mean.
Gorgo looks at him a long moment, studying his open face. An affectionate smile creeps across her own.
Gorgo: YOU "tarn" me on Leonidas! You and the Carpathian accent that slips out at the most unexpected times.... the way you walk with your palms facing backwards. How your forehead wrinkles when you're "pondering."
She takes his hand.
Gorgo: I love the way your Spartans love you... way you look at me. I love how saintly you look when you're asleep and how guilty you look when you've been bad. How fierce you can be when you're angry. I love the lisp that slips out when you sing to me and your eagerness at the prospect of the new and exciting. I love your ability to calm yourself and focus on the fight. But most of all, I love the way you make me laugh.
Leonidas: (grinning sheepishly) And here I thought ye were in love wi my thighs.
Gorgo: (grinning back) Yer thighs and yer eyes, and yer mouth, and yes, even your "killer skirt!" You're a package deal Leonidas, and Zues help me, but I adore opening packages. I've a feeling no one will ever get to the bottom of this one... with all the wrapping around it. But that prospect turns me on too!
Leonidas: Wrapping? These are my real abs Gorgo. I worked ma as$ off fer them..
Gorgo: Yes, I know dear.
Leonidas: So are ye going to marry me?
Gorgo: If you give up the idea of the Bird Bed.
Leonidas: (frowning like a little boy) Ma Bird Bed?
Gorgo: (giving up) Okay, so I'll learn to love the bird bed too!
Leonidas enfolds her in his arms and kisses her forehead.
Leonidas: Yes sweet Gorgo?
Gorgo: Your stepping on my dress again....
Disclaimer: This story is totally fictional and in the mushy, kinky mind of the would be writer
Canton and Nunnari = Producers of the movie 300