|Frank and Gerry|
by zonistonate (Fri Jun 22 2007 03:13:22)
UPDATED Fri Jun 22 2007 03:16:39
The pictures of Frank and Gerry were too good to pass up and since the thread hasn't gone poof yet......
INT. 300 PREQUEL: DATING GORGO SET - NEXT MORNING
Actors are standing around drinking Coffee and having whole grain bars and fruit which is the only snack Zack will permit on the set for them while filming.
Frank Miller enters and immediately goes up to Zack and Gerry who are discussing a scene. Zack departs to check his storyboards.
Gerry: How's it going Frank? You really look like hell! Did you get run over by a truck?
Frank: (scowling) You're a real Comedian Butler. (shaking his head) I'm having problems with this Batman/Superman movie. Working with Schumacher is no walk in the park. The guy wants everything to be sexy. I keep telling him there is real enmity between the two when they first meet and he keeps saying it's really the sexual attraction between the two that causes them to go at each other's throat.
Gerry: Oh yeah...that sounds like Joel all right. Pretty nice guy though!
Frank: Yeah, but I can't get past wanting to punch him in the mouth at least twice a day.
Gerry: You're just an old sourpuss Frank. Can't pull any of that Spartan crap on him can you?
Frank: Nah, I tried. He just looks at me with that pleasant smile of his and says "go fu ck yourself!" Writers get no respect. Not like Zack here. That's why I keep coming back.
Gerry: (eagerly) Speaking of Zack....do you think we could have a crying scene in this movie? I'm really good with the tears and my fans like it. Couldn't we put one in when Gorgo and Leonidas have that fight and she storms off?
Frank looks at Gerry like he's lost his mind.
Frank: Spartans don't cry, Gerry. You should know that.
Gerry: Blasphemy, I know, but I heard you whimper plenty when I accidently kicked your cane and you fell down during the 300 premiere in Japan. Where was your Spartan then?
Frank: Yes, well I'm not a Spartan, am I? And you were a damn clutz. What the hell got into you anyway?
Gerry: No, you're not a Spartan, but you remind me of the guy from Nightmare on Elm street with that black fedora and the way you snuck up and stood right behind me..... Scared the f@*king crap out of me! It was your own fault. How many times are you going to bring that up?
Frank: Well if you didn't pump the Starbucks into your veins at the rate you do you wouldn't be so damned jumpy all the time! Besides I was just wanting to thank you for that Jo Malone you sent me. Actually I didn't know what to think about that. (leaning into Gerry and lowering his voice) It's a little bit personal to send another guy cologne isn't it?
Gerry: What's the matter? You didn't like it? That bloody aftershave you use smells like pi$s and after having to stand next to you for all those photo sessions I was getting dizzy. Thought you could use something with class.
Frank: (ironically) This from a guy who chain smokes and mixes plaids and stripes?
Gerry: (smiling) Hey, I don't get any complaints from the chicks. If you spritz your beard with that stuff it sticks with you for hours. Why do you think I always have the scruff? A little peppermint spray for my breath and I'm ready for action. As a matter of fact, a little spritz here n' there on your manscaping doesn't hurt either. The birds just follow the scent. (pause)
Besides, haven't you heard? I'm quitting for good this time!
Frank: Yeah, sure. Just what women want. A nose full of stinky cologne.
Gerry: You don't believe me? Let me poll my harem at IMDb and see what they think. They always tell me the truth. (smiling) Whether I want to hear it or not.
Frank: You and your harems. (making a face and raising his voice a few octaves to mimic a fan) "Can we have a hug, Gerry? Will you sign my ass, Gerry?" What kind of harem is that? Sounds like a bunch of efffing morons if you ask me.
Gerry: (grinning ) Hell, you're just jealous. Wouldn't you like to sign some sweet young thing's as$?
Zack walks up.
Zack: Okay. We're good to go. We made a few changes in this next scene Gerry. Instead of Gorgo's mother dying of consumption, we've decided that you are accidently going to back into her and push her down the well. It's more dramatic and it will set up some issues between you and Gorgo.
Gerry: (disturbed, his eyes narrowing, he turns to Frank) Was this your idea?
Zack: No, it's mine! We need to set up some conflict between you and Lena. I got tired of hearing that 300 had no back story and lacked character development. I've decided we need some. I'm going for an Oscar here.
Gerry: Yeah, well, can't you make Lena the villain and let her back into her own mother? Why do I have to be the clutz?
Frank and Zack both look at Gerry.
Gerry: (relenting) Okay, okay, so I'm a little clumsy sometimes, but we're taking about Leonidas here. The guy has style. I like being the King. I kick ass!
Zack: Yeah, and you're going to kick Gorgo's meddling mother's as$, accidently though.
Gerry: She's a woman. Leonidas doesn't hurt women!
Zack puts his arm around Gerry's shoulders and starts to pull him away.
Zack: (softly) Come on Ger. Don't let me down. I'm counting on you to carry this movie like you did 300. This is necessary for the plot.
Gerry: (pondering) If I agree to this, can I have my crying scene?
(excitedly) We'll make it at the funeral. I'm wracked with remorse. Then I could really see us talking Oscar.
Come on, this guy HAS to have a soft side before he becomes the hard as$. (grabbing Zack's tee shirt) You gotta let me do this Zack!
Zack: (sighing) I'll talk to Frank about it. I promise.
Gerry: Promises, promises. He's just gonna say "Spartans don't cry!"
Zack: No, I'll talk to him, really. How about it pal?
Gerry: Okay, but I need a short break to talk to my Astrologer before I agree.
Zack: Your Astrologer? What the fu ck's happening to you Butler?
Gerry: (conspiratorially) You're not going to believe this, but Hillary Clinton took me to see Nancy Reagan the other day and Nancy says I need to consult an Astrologer.
Zack: You can't be serious?
Gerry: Don't look at me like that! It's your fault. I wouldn't have these fans if it wasn't for 300. Nancy saw it 3 times. Says Merv Griffin took her. The old guy was enthralled with all those big abs. Hillary says Bill liked the story because he's a history buff, but personally I think he just wanted to see the naked Oracle and the orgy scenes. Anyway, Nancy gave me her astrologer's card and now I don't make any decisions without her.
Zack shakes his head in wonder and frustration.
Gerry: (smiling jovially) Pisses Alan off big time,.....(shrugs shoulders) but... what the heck!
Gerry wanders back to his trailer and Frank approaches Zack with a commiserating smile, patting him on the back.
Zack puts a hand on either side of his head and looks up to heaven.
Zack: I've created a monster, God help me. A fu@*king monster!
Disclaimer: Curse words used because this is how I see these guys speaking to each other in my very vivid imagination, which is where all of this takes place anyway.
Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate
Alan = Alan Siegel, GB's Mgr.
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