Sunday, September 19, 2010

The Outlandisher - Chap. 6 - Claire "Sassy Hack" Avoyant McFraser

August 16th, 2008

Chap. 6
Claire "Sassy Hack" Avoyant McFraser

Eying the tall, scowling stranger across from her with morbid curiosity, she can't help but smile at his discomfort, something about him strange yet familiar. Having introduced himself, she can see that he is having difficulty getting past the circumstances of his somewhat unorthodox entrance.

Claire: (seeking to put him at ease) Mr. McButler? If it's any consolation to you, as a physician/healer, I have made the acquaintance of many men under decidedly more bizarre circumstances than yours, so please don't feel embarrassed on my account. (smiling) We only have so much mastery over our bodies and there are some things that can't be helped.

He smiles sheepishly, recognizing her attempt at making him feel better.

Claire: Although I must say.....As colorful as the Scots are....and I mean that in a good way....I've never run across one wearing a kilt with quite the same.....shall we say.....daring touches. Are you trying to start a trend?

Looking down at himself. 

...ah dinna see this one comin'
GMcB: (shrugging) Well, though ah'm not especially known fer ma sartorial good sense, an' though some would beg tae differ, ah dinna make a habit o' mixing these kinds o' patterns together. In actual fact, in this case 'twas an accident o' fate an' something that is starting to leuk like one very stupid antique purchase.

Claire: (not understanding) Antique purchase?

GMcB: Aye, in the form of one f_uckin'  horror o' a leukin' glass.

Claire: (still confused) Would you care to explain that?

GMcB: Ah'm no' sure ah kin, but yer husband said ye would understand, so ah think....

Suddenly angry, she cuts him off.

Claire: My husband? What has he to do with this? Do you know where the hell he is?

Taken aback by the sudden change in her demeanor, he tries to placate her.

GMcB: Ah dinna know fer sure where he is, but he was the one told me to come here, saying ye could help me.

Claire: Well helped you I have! Are you feeling any better?

GMCB Seems so, but ah canna remember ever feelin'  ma stomach so empty before.

Claire: When was the last time you ate?

GMcB: Eons ago by the noise it's makin' but...(looking at his watch) ....ah think it...

Claire suddenly takes his wrist in a vise like grip, intently studying his Tag Heuer chronograph watch in fascination.

Claire: (suspicious) Okay. Who are you? The gig's up!

GMcB: Gig?  Ah told ye..... Yer husband sent me tae ye. He said ye were a time traveler too an' we would have a lot tae talk about.

The look on her face matches the feeling he felt on first seeing Jamie McFraser staring back at him in the mirror earlier in what now seemed like an interminable day.

Claire: Time traveler?

Without prelude, she grabs his arm and tries to hike up his sleeve, which hangs up on the round bulk of his bicep.

Claire: What the hell is this?

GMcB: That's ma muscle? What the f_uck are ye tryin' tae do?

Claire: (undaunted) Muscle? What the........

She stops herself, wanting to stay on track.

Claire: Never mind, let me see your upper arm!

Despite the command, he tries to oblige her by unbuttoning his shirt and pulling out his left arm.

Not finding what she's looking for, she tries to pull the shirt off further to look at his other arm.

Finally thinking he understands, he grins at her.

GMcB: Ye know there are plenty o' lasses ask me tae take off ma shirt tae get a look at ma abs, but ah've never run across one tae do it quite like this.

She looks at him like he's lost his mind?

Claire: Abs? You mean your abdominal muscles?

GMcB: Well, yeah... They'll never be like they were fer 300. As a matter o' fact, they're kinda flabby at the moment, bein' as ah'm between movies.

Claire: (still struggling with his shirt) Movies?

She succeeds in pulling the shirt off altogether and there on the other arm is the tell tale smallpox vaccination scar. She stands there staring at it and a slow smile spreads across her face. Unable to contain her joy, she throws her arms around him, bare chest not withstanding.

Bewildered, but none the less pleased to have this lovely woman's warmth against him, he automatically responds by slipping his arms around her, a satisfied grin breaking out on his face.

GMcB: Well, ah'm used tae wimmin gettin' excited over ma bare chest, but ah dinna see this one coming. Jamie did say ye were a very affectionate lass, though.

Still pressed up against this not unattractive man and suddenly understanding what he is saying, her knee jerk reaction is exactly the full force of her right knee automatically connects with his delicate male anatomy and she struggles to disengage herself from the embrace.

Taken completely by surprise, he jumps back cursing and protecting himself from further assault by this completely deranged woman.

GMcB: F_uck! Are ye daft wumman? Ah've heard o' sending mixed messages.....
(stepping further away from her, still in shock) ....but ye lady, take the bluidy cake!  What is it wi' ye?

Realizing his confusion at her actions, she tries to calm him as he backs away.

Claire: I was looking for your smallpox vaccination . (in wonder) You have a smallpox vaccination!

Anger mixed with surprise.

GMcB: Well o' course ah do. Wi' all the travelin' ah do, it's required.

Claire: (incredulous) Time travel has become common in your era and they vaccinate you for it?

It is his turn to be surprised.

GMcB: Time travel? (shaking his head) O' course not!   Ah'm still not sure ah'm no' dreamin' all this, cep fer the ache in ma balls at the moment. That's real enough!

Claire: (frowning, apologetic) I'm so sorry. It was just a reflex reaction.

GMcB: (still angry) Well if that's yer reflex reaction tae everythin' , ah'm givin' ye a wider berth from now on,  no matter what Jamie said.

Putting her hands on her hips, her anger raising again.

Claire: And just what did the scoundrel say to you?

GMcB: That ye were a sexy and affectionate lass an' that we would have a lot in common. (still smarting from the knee) However, apparently his idea o' affectionate is different from mine, kis wi' too much o' that kind o' affection ye're goin' to geld the poor man. It's no wonder he needs a vacation.

Claire: He said that, did he?

GMcB: Well yeah. The first part, anyways. No way ah would have taken liberties wi' ye, a married wumman, otherwise. (thoughtful) Last time ah did that, ah got an ear full from ma mum an' she is a formidable wumman, .....although.....(grinning) ah'm used to married wimmin throwing themselves at me all the taime.  It does take some restraint on ma pairt.....but....

As he rambles on, she steps back and studies him closely....taking in the broad shoulders and muscular arms. She was also fascinated by the lopsided smile, so like another smile she loved so well.....which brought her back to her husband.

Claire: You said Jamie told you about me. Do you know where he is?

Trying to be truthful without getting Jamie into trouble.

GMcB: No' really. He just said he needed a from things......

Claire: (startled) A vacation? A vacation from what?


GMcB: Ah'm no' sure. He just mentioned gettin'  away an' told me tae come tae ye an' that ye'd be willing tae help me.

Thinking it over and at the same time trying to hide her excitement, she is absolutely thrilled to think that the man standing across from her is a misplaced person, as she herself once was, though in her case, something she had willingly accepted because of her love for one, Jamie McFraser.

She wanted to ask this stranger so many questions, but one at a time so as to not overwhelm him.   Watching him shifting uncomfortably, obviously still smarting from the blow to his crotch, she tries again.

Claire: How did you come to meet Jamie? (smiling at him prettily) Can you at least tell me that?

GMcB: Hell if ah know! One moment ah was in ma loft in NYC and after seeing his scowling face in ma mirror, next thing ah know, ah found maself on the floor o' his room.

Claire: (surprised) You mean you didn't come through the stones at Craigh comi Con?

GMCB: Nope. Ah wis sucked through ma mirror an' ah thought was yer Jamie did the suckin' ... since he was the only pairson present an' itchin' fer a substitute sae he could take off fer a while.

Claire: (frowning) A substitute? I don't understand.

GMcB: (thinking perhaps he's said too much) Well mebbe substitute was not the right wort. He said ah might keep ye entertained, bein' as ah was from the 21st century an' all.......

Aghast, Claire doesn't know what to respond to first....the fact that Jamie had cooked up this kind of scheme, or that the handsome, if a little worn looking, but still young man in front of her was indeed a traveler from the 21st century. The fact he had a smallpox vaccination scar did not lie. Before she could say more....

GMcB: Listen. Before we talk anymore, do ye have anythin'  tae eat that's no' goin' tae kill me? Ah hate tae ask, but ma last meal consisted o' a Starbucks latte an' a sweet roll early this morn.  An',  even though ah probably shouldn't eat, ma stomach is givin' me a different message.

She laughs at the sad sack statement and is surprised at the smile she gets in return. Showing unevenly boyish white teeth, it crinkles his nose and his almost emerald green eyes and the genuine pleasure it displays, ups his likability quotient tremendously, making her think of a man many years younger than the lines on his face would indicate.

She wanted to tell him that he should smile more, but instead...

Claire: I have some biscuits and some boiled beef, but I'm afraid you're probably not going to keep it for long, even taking that stuff. (nodding towards the empty glass on the table).

GMcB: (sheepishly, looking down at the floor) That may be the case, but ma brain and ma mouth dinna seem tae care an' will remember the taste o' it, long after it's gone.

His laughs again.... almost a giggle, and Claire can't help thinking that, although Jamie McFraser he was not, this was one Scot with charming possibilities of his own.

Next: An Actor? 

Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction that exists only in the twilight zone of the writer's mind. Any and all resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.

Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate

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