The Z Report

Comforted by friend at Miller bash.

Sunday, February 10th, 2008


In what can only be described as a comedy of errors, a weekend jaunt that was to start as a leisurely day of skiing with friends in Park City, Utah and end in Las Vegas with a birthday celebration for friend and comic book artist Frank Miller, actor Gerard Butler, better known as Spartan King Leonidas in the 2007 blockbuster 300, suffered a mild concussion and a sprained right wrist when several fans decided they would ambush their idol on the slopes and get his autograph.


We got the story straight from the horses mouth, in this case a rather confused, concussive, nevertheless yappy Butler as he was leaving the hospital. In his own words this was how the tale (or tail) literally went down:


""It was the second run o' the day an' ma friend an' ah got separated from the rest o' the group. Comin' down the mountain on the fresh powder, ma friend was way ahead o' me, as ah was takin' ma time bein' a bit rusty, when a lairge blur o' red parka came out o' nowhere an' crashed into me.


Blinded by the crash, ah was painfully trying tae dig masel' out o' the snow when ah realized this pairson was sittin' oan my right arm. When I pulled ma hat up off ma eyes wi ma left hand, ah noticed ah was surrounded by several women, all smilin down at me. The co..., er....ah mean the rather lairge one who crashed into me, was dustin' the snow off o' herself  an' offered me her hand tae help me up, which ah declined. All o' a sudden two o' the others whip out pen and paper an' asked fer ma autograph. Another one pulled out a cell an' snapped a picture o' me sitting wi' ma arse deep in the snow.


Ah started screamin' at em that ah thought ma wrist wis broken an' ma eyes were blurry an' what I needed was the f ucking ski patrol. As ah was feelin' masel' tae see if anythin' else was broken, ah heard em whisperin' that mebbe this hadna been such a good idea cause if ah was hurt ah was goin' tae sue them. They leuked at me, a little scairt, an' took off, sayin' they'd send the ski patrol up fer me."


As it turns out, the usually loquacious Scot decided not to wait for the ski petrol and got down the slope on his own.


"Ma arse was sore, ma right wrist hurt like hell an' ah had a knot oan the back o' ma heid, but ah managed ta get up after a few minutes, an hobble down the rest o' the slope, where ma friend was waitin' fer me an' took me tae the hospital fer some x-rays."


We asked him what happened to the fans who roughed him up he shrugged his shoulders and said:


"Who the f@@k knows? Ah hope they ate one too many chili burgers an' got a bad case o' indigestion!"


The dazed, but seemingly none the worse for wear Butler was spotted the next day at The Cathouse in the Luxor Hotel, where  Frank Miller's party took place. The only souvenir from his ski adventure was the red stretch band covering his sprained right wrist.


When asked about the incident, he smiled, cursing under his breath. It seems Butler had to end up paying out a pretty penny for the rescue helicopter his fans had contacted, and for the false alarm which caused the ski petrol to comb the mountain for several hours before it was determined he had left the area.


Our reporter did note he was holding his hand firmly and speculated that Butler, who is known for occasionally flipping off the intrusive paparazzi, was trying hard to be circumspect.


Signing off


Zoni with a Z (but pronounced like an S


Disclaimer: Some of these events only occurred in the imagination of the writer.


Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate