Under Construction - Caution!
When the fates were creating Gerry,
they absolutely knew
they had stumbled onto something wicked,
an inebriating brew.
They borrowed hair from Rasputin
and eyes from the Emerald Isle
The lips took the shape of Cupids bow
which gave them the power to rile.
When they saw that the face was too pretty,
they decided to look for a nose
that embodied Pinocchio and Cyrano,
a proboscis that would inspire some prose.
The body they took from David
with a dash of Quasimodo.
They pasted and molded and when they were done
they dipped him in Lourdes' Blue Grotto.
While looking over their piece of work
they decided to give it some class
When the fates were creating Gerry,
they absolutely knew
they had stumbled onto something wicked,
an inebriating brew.
They borrowed hair from Rasputin
and eyes from the Emerald Isle
The lips took the shape of Cupids bow
which gave them the power to rile.
When they saw that the face was too pretty,
they decided to look for a nose
that embodied Pinocchio and Cyrano,
a proboscis that would inspire some prose.
The body they took from David
with a dash of Quasimodo.
They pasted and molded and when they were done
they dipped him in Lourdes' Blue Grotto.
While looking over their piece of work
they decided to give it some class
'Twas then the fates realized with horror
They'd forgotten to give him an ass!
They'd forgotten to give him an ass!
They tinkered here and tinkered there
and hoping all the while,
they could give this new creation of theirs
a sense of sartorial style.
One final thing they thought to add
was a voice that would carry to China.
Imagine the confusion that they experienced
when the first word they heard was "VAGINA!"
They scurried back to the drawing board
even perusing the holy book.
And when they thought they had it just right
their creation uttered "Wanna F@@k?"
They pulled all the tapes from his memory banks
and rearranged the wiring in his core.
They finally thought "this really should do it,"
when their handiwork said "Shut up You Whore!"
Bewildered and knowing that somewhere they'd erred,
they looked from one to the other quite anxious.
Then looked to this beautiful hunk of a man
who smiled and simply said "Dirty Sanchez?"
"What have we wrought," they wondered,
"with this crazy, wild concoction"
they had thought so surely to sell to the angels
at the next monthly heavenly auction.
After scratching his beard, one of them spoke up,
"We have to rethink this, we should!
Perhaps with his talents and beauty and mouth
he's a better match for Hollywood!"
"And one more thing we should really add
so success will be his for sure."
"Just like that other dude, Sean Connery,
let's give him a Scottish burr."
So the next time that Gerry acts crazy,
and you wonder at his lack of class.
It's not really his fault dear ladies.
Blame the Fates and his anger at having no ass!
by Zoni Baloney
and hoping all the while,
they could give this new creation of theirs
a sense of sartorial style.
One final thing they thought to add
was a voice that would carry to China.
Imagine the confusion that they experienced
when the first word they heard was "VAGINA!"
They scurried back to the drawing board
even perusing the holy book.
And when they thought they had it just right
their creation uttered "Wanna F@@k?"
They pulled all the tapes from his memory banks
and rearranged the wiring in his core.
They finally thought "this really should do it,"
when their handiwork said "Shut up You Whore!"
Bewildered and knowing that somewhere they'd erred,
they looked from one to the other quite anxious.
Then looked to this beautiful hunk of a man
who smiled and simply said "Dirty Sanchez?"
"What have we wrought," they wondered,
"with this crazy, wild concoction"
they had thought so surely to sell to the angels
at the next monthly heavenly auction.
After scratching his beard, one of them spoke up,
"We have to rethink this, we should!
Perhaps with his talents and beauty and mouth
he's a better match for Hollywood!"
"And one more thing we should really add
so success will be his for sure."
"Just like that other dude, Sean Connery,
let's give him a Scottish burr."
So the next time that Gerry acts crazy,
and you wonder at his lack of class.
It's not really his fault dear ladies.
Blame the Fates and his anger at having no ass!
by Zoni Baloney
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