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| "Wearin' ma helmet makes me look fierce." |
INT. 300 PREQUEL: DATING GORGO SET - MORNING
Leonidas is sitting on his favorite thinking stone, pondering how he is going to speak with Gorgo about his sexual needs, when he is approached by Captain.
Captain: Leonidas, I need your sage advice on how to deal with a personal matter.
Leonidas: Well of course, Captain. I'll do ma best ta help. What's the problem?
Captain: It's young Astinos. He's lost his head over one of the Persian girls he met at your bachelor party the other night.
Leonidas: Lost his head, ye say? I'm having a bit of trouble hearing since the Oracle accidentally spit in ma ear when she was doing her echo thing yesterday. She still had a mouthful of water when I came closer ta make out what she was sayin.
Captain: You saw the Oracle? Ewwwww. I'd avoid that trip at all costs just not to see the Ephors. What a nasty looking bunch.
Leonidas: Yeah, well, this trip was necessary and it was no' so bad. Aside from the spit in ma ear, the Ephors werna there. They were on retreat in Persia. Thank the Gods fer that bit of o' luck. (sighing) Ah did managed to tarn what coulda been a bad situation into an enlightening one. (scratching his head) By the way, ye ever hear speak of an Echo School.?
Captain shakes his head in the negative.
Leonidas: Me neither. Ah'm wonderin if she was havin' a bit of fun wi me?
Captain: She wouldn' t dare tease the great Leonidas would she?
Leonidas: Fer some reason, women see a different me than ma warriors do. Perhaps it's ma softer side that somes out. Ah'm still havin' trouble figurin' it out.
Captain: Well you sure have a way with them, which is why I'm here to ask your advice about young Astinos. I'm at my wits end with the boy and he won't listen to reason. Would you talk to him about the danger of sex with someone he barely knows.
Leonidas: (uncomfortable) Me talk to young Astinos about sex? Ah don't know if that's such a good idea Captain. "Now would that make me Faust or the devil?" Sure I'm good a doin' it, but.....well, er. (clearing his throat and straightening his pre-King posture).....
It seems ta me that young Astinos is probably just goin' through a phase. Sure those dancing girls are lookin' good ta him now. Ah'm very fond of them maself and wouldn't be in this mess if Gorgo hadna walked in on us.... Personally, I would leave it alone. Let em have some fun! Once we go off on another campaign ah'm thinkin he's goin to be losin' his head again plenty of times over.
Captain: You think so?
Leonidas: Of course I do. Remember when you were his age? Let the boy play a little. It's no' goin to hurt him.
Captain: As always, my friend I bow to your logic. Thank you.
He gives Leonidas a firm arm shake and departs.
Leonidas sees Gorgo sitting in the wheat field all alone and thinks it is a good opportunity to have the conversation the Oracle has suggested. He approaches her with trepidition.
Leonidas: Sweet Gorgo, are ye never goin' ta fergive me? I canna be more sorry than ah am over hurtin' ye.
Gorgo: I want to forgive you dear Leonidas. God knows I miss your warmth and your way with words, your childlike awe and your rambling reminiscences. I miss your booming voice and those shiny white teeth that look like beacons of light when you shout at your men. (looking off into space as the music begins)
* Where will I look for a love to replace you? Someone to light up my life. Someone with strange little ways. Eyes like a blue autumn haze. Someone with your laughing style and a smile that I know will keep haunting me endlessly........
She turns to him. Tell me Leonidas. Where?
Leonidas: Oh sweet Gorgo. Ah love ye beyond measure. Ah know Spartans are no' supposed to say those words, but I canna help maself. After we're married ah promise never ta say ah love ye again. But please say ye forgive me and ah promise never ta let anyone raffle off my codpiece again either. Even ta help the more unfortunate.
She looks at him and unable to contain herself, embraces him.
Gorgo: I'm so glad to hear you say that Leonidas. I want to be the only person to remove it, your codpiece, I mean...
Seeing his opening Leonidas takes the cue.
Leonidas: Ah've been meaning ta speak ta ye about that Gorgo. A man has ta speak up and tell his beloved certain things that will keep them, er........singing the same tune.
Gorgo looks puzzled.
Gorgo: The same tune? I don't think that's possible. I have perfect pitch and you sing off key at times. You like potatoes and I like potatoes......you like tomatoes and I ......
Lena: I can't say these stupid words. This script gets worse by the day Zack. What is this shit?
Zack: CUT CUT!
Zack: Frank and I worked very hard over these changes Lena. You don't see Gerry complaining any more do you?
Lena: Yeah, that's because he's on remote control at this point and already thinking about his next movie, (turning to Gerry) aren't you?
Gerry: Not true. I know the importance of a good sciprt and I find this one very powerful.
Lena: Oh cut the crap! Your not on a press junket now. Are you trying to convince yourself?
Gerry: (smiling and shrugging his shoulders) Zack promised me a part in his next movie Watchmen II: The Prequel. I get ta pick my role.
Lena: Shame on you Zack! After this movie comes out you'll be lucky to get a seat on the Warner Bros plane, much less direct another Watchmen.
Zack: Let's have this discussion later shall we.? We'll skip the potato, tomato reference. Will that make you happy?
Lena: Yes.
Zack: Good, let's take it from " the same tune."
Roll the cameras...take 2.
Lena: The same tune? I don't understand Leonidas.
Leonidas: Well, ya see, when two people see eye ta eye on things.....and, ehmmm ... know about what makes the other happy.....it keeps things kosher.
Gorgo: (confused) Kosher?
Leonidas: Ye know....like....copacetic?
Gorgo: Where do you come up with these words? It must be your extensive travels Leonidas. You are so smart.
Leonidas: I must confess, I went to see the Oracle ta figure out how ta get ye back and she suggested I tell ye what I like.
Gorgo: What you like.? As in food? You know I'm a good cook. And besides, that's what we have servants fo.......
Leonidas: (interrupting her) Yer cookin is fine, It's no' what's cookin' in the kitchen, but what's cookin' in the bedchamber.
Gorgo: I don't anticipate we shall be cooking in the bedchamber Leonidas. That's what we have a kitchen for.
Leonidas: (frustrated) IAh mean what flips ma wigk! Curls ma toes!
Gorgo: Now you have flipped your wig. You don't even wear one. You want to clip your braid? Darling, if your toes are curling perhaps you need new shoes? We shall visit the shoemaker....
Leonidas puts his hands over his face.
Leonidas: No, No NO. (shyly) A've been tryin' ta be delicate, but ah guess there's no' delicate way ta put it. (rubs his beard) Ye need ta know what tarns me on in the bedroom sweet Gorgo! The Oracle says ah'm less likely to "fu ck around," as she put it.... By the way, ah dinna ken that was a French wort, did ye?
Gorgo: Wort?
Leonidas: Nevermind....what ah'm getting at is ah need ye ta understand what pops ma cork, what shoots ma arrow....get the picture?
Gorgo: Well why didn't you just come out and say so? Of course I want to know. I am all ears.
Leonidas: (frowning) That's not true, ye have very sweet little ears that ah'm fond of nibbling on.
Gorgo: I didn't mean it in the literal sense dear. We must learn each others quirks, but you must go first, since you are more likely to encounter Persian dancing girls in your travels.
Leonidas: (eagerly) Yes well...... furst of all............ah have this thing about wearin' ma helmet. It makes me look fierce an' sexy, but since it's kinda hard to lay on, ah was thinking about a sort o' mask, ye know... ta make me feel all mysterious. And there is this bird bed ah saw in ma travels that I really like......I'll draw ya a picture...but ........
To be continued: Gorgo needs to prolong the 72 second record and the devil is in the details.
Disclaimer: This story takes place in the mind of the writer and is purely fictional.
* I love this song and just wanted to include it for no practical reason at all.
Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate
Leonidas is sitting on his favorite thinking stone, pondering how he is going to speak with Gorgo about his sexual needs, when he is approached by Captain.
Captain: Leonidas, I need your sage advice on how to deal with a personal matter.
Leonidas: Well of course, Captain. I'll do ma best ta help. What's the problem?
Captain: It's young Astinos. He's lost his head over one of the Persian girls he met at your bachelor party the other night.
Leonidas: Lost his head, ye say? I'm having a bit of trouble hearing since the Oracle accidentally spit in ma ear when she was doing her echo thing yesterday. She still had a mouthful of water when I came closer ta make out what she was sayin.
Captain: You saw the Oracle? Ewwwww. I'd avoid that trip at all costs just not to see the Ephors. What a nasty looking bunch.
Leonidas: Yeah, well, this trip was necessary and it was no' so bad. Aside from the spit in ma ear, the Ephors werna there. They were on retreat in Persia. Thank the Gods fer that bit of o' luck. (sighing) Ah did managed to tarn what coulda been a bad situation into an enlightening one. (scratching his head) By the way, ye ever hear speak of an Echo School.?
Captain shakes his head in the negative.
Leonidas: Me neither. Ah'm wonderin if she was havin' a bit of fun wi me?
Captain: She wouldn' t dare tease the great Leonidas would she?
Leonidas: Fer some reason, women see a different me than ma warriors do. Perhaps it's ma softer side that somes out. Ah'm still havin' trouble figurin' it out.
Captain: Well you sure have a way with them, which is why I'm here to ask your advice about young Astinos. I'm at my wits end with the boy and he won't listen to reason. Would you talk to him about the danger of sex with someone he barely knows.
Leonidas: (uncomfortable) Me talk to young Astinos about sex? Ah don't know if that's such a good idea Captain. "Now would that make me Faust or the devil?" Sure I'm good a doin' it, but.....well, er. (clearing his throat and straightening his pre-King posture).....
It seems ta me that young Astinos is probably just goin' through a phase. Sure those dancing girls are lookin' good ta him now. Ah'm very fond of them maself and wouldn't be in this mess if Gorgo hadna walked in on us.... Personally, I would leave it alone. Let em have some fun! Once we go off on another campaign ah'm thinkin he's goin to be losin' his head again plenty of times over.
Captain: You think so?
Leonidas: Of course I do. Remember when you were his age? Let the boy play a little. It's no' goin to hurt him.
Captain: As always, my friend I bow to your logic. Thank you.
He gives Leonidas a firm arm shake and departs.
Leonidas sees Gorgo sitting in the wheat field all alone and thinks it is a good opportunity to have the conversation the Oracle has suggested. He approaches her with trepidition.
Leonidas: Sweet Gorgo, are ye never goin' ta fergive me? I canna be more sorry than ah am over hurtin' ye.
Gorgo: I want to forgive you dear Leonidas. God knows I miss your warmth and your way with words, your childlike awe and your rambling reminiscences. I miss your booming voice and those shiny white teeth that look like beacons of light when you shout at your men. (looking off into space as the music begins)
* Where will I look for a love to replace you? Someone to light up my life. Someone with strange little ways. Eyes like a blue autumn haze. Someone with your laughing style and a smile that I know will keep haunting me endlessly........
She turns to him. Tell me Leonidas. Where?
Leonidas: Oh sweet Gorgo. Ah love ye beyond measure. Ah know Spartans are no' supposed to say those words, but I canna help maself. After we're married ah promise never ta say ah love ye again. But please say ye forgive me and ah promise never ta let anyone raffle off my codpiece again either. Even ta help the more unfortunate.
She looks at him and unable to contain herself, embraces him.
Gorgo: I'm so glad to hear you say that Leonidas. I want to be the only person to remove it, your codpiece, I mean...
Seeing his opening Leonidas takes the cue.
Leonidas: Ah've been meaning ta speak ta ye about that Gorgo. A man has ta speak up and tell his beloved certain things that will keep them, er........singing the same tune.
Gorgo looks puzzled.
Gorgo: The same tune? I don't think that's possible. I have perfect pitch and you sing off key at times. You like potatoes and I like potatoes......you like tomatoes and I ......
Lena: I can't say these stupid words. This script gets worse by the day Zack. What is this shit?
Zack: CUT CUT!
Zack: Frank and I worked very hard over these changes Lena. You don't see Gerry complaining any more do you?
Lena: Yeah, that's because he's on remote control at this point and already thinking about his next movie, (turning to Gerry) aren't you?
Gerry: Not true. I know the importance of a good sciprt and I find this one very powerful.
Lena: Oh cut the crap! Your not on a press junket now. Are you trying to convince yourself?
Gerry: (smiling and shrugging his shoulders) Zack promised me a part in his next movie Watchmen II: The Prequel. I get ta pick my role.
Lena: Shame on you Zack! After this movie comes out you'll be lucky to get a seat on the Warner Bros plane, much less direct another Watchmen.
Zack: Let's have this discussion later shall we.? We'll skip the potato, tomato reference. Will that make you happy?
Lena: Yes.
Zack: Good, let's take it from " the same tune."
Roll the cameras...take 2.
Lena: The same tune? I don't understand Leonidas.
Leonidas: Well, ya see, when two people see eye ta eye on things.....and, ehmmm ... know about what makes the other happy.....it keeps things kosher.
Gorgo: (confused) Kosher?
Leonidas: Ye know....like....copacetic?
Gorgo: Where do you come up with these words? It must be your extensive travels Leonidas. You are so smart.
Leonidas: I must confess, I went to see the Oracle ta figure out how ta get ye back and she suggested I tell ye what I like.
Gorgo: What you like.? As in food? You know I'm a good cook. And besides, that's what we have servants fo.......
Leonidas: (interrupting her) Yer cookin is fine, It's no' what's cookin' in the kitchen, but what's cookin' in the bedchamber.
Gorgo: I don't anticipate we shall be cooking in the bedchamber Leonidas. That's what we have a kitchen for.
Leonidas: (frustrated) IAh mean what flips ma wigk! Curls ma toes!
Gorgo: Now you have flipped your wig. You don't even wear one. You want to clip your braid? Darling, if your toes are curling perhaps you need new shoes? We shall visit the shoemaker....
Leonidas puts his hands over his face.
Leonidas: No, No NO. (shyly) A've been tryin' ta be delicate, but ah guess there's no' delicate way ta put it. (rubs his beard) Ye need ta know what tarns me on in the bedroom sweet Gorgo! The Oracle says ah'm less likely to "fu ck around," as she put it.... By the way, ah dinna ken that was a French wort, did ye?
Gorgo: Wort?
Leonidas: Nevermind....what ah'm getting at is ah need ye ta understand what pops ma cork, what shoots ma arrow....get the picture?
Gorgo: Well why didn't you just come out and say so? Of course I want to know. I am all ears.
Leonidas: (frowning) That's not true, ye have very sweet little ears that ah'm fond of nibbling on.
Gorgo: I didn't mean it in the literal sense dear. We must learn each others quirks, but you must go first, since you are more likely to encounter Persian dancing girls in your travels.
Leonidas: (eagerly) Yes well...... furst of all............ah have this thing about wearin' ma helmet. It makes me look fierce an' sexy, but since it's kinda hard to lay on, ah was thinking about a sort o' mask, ye know... ta make me feel all mysterious. And there is this bird bed ah saw in ma travels that I really like......I'll draw ya a picture...but ........
To be continued: Gorgo needs to prolong the 72 second record and the devil is in the details.
Disclaimer: This story takes place in the mind of the writer and is purely fictional.
* I love this song and just wanted to include it for no practical reason at all.
Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate
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