by zonistonate (Thu Jun 21 2007 01:13:26)
UPDATED Thu Jun 21 2007 01:19:12
Zack returns to the set, his cap sideways, a tranquil expression on his face. Speaking to his assistant.
Zack: "Okay, I just did 50 push ups, ran two miles on the treadmill and had a cup of "Serenity" herbal tea. I'm ready for anything. Round everyone up!"
After 5 minutes everyone starts filtering on to the set.
Zack: (to his assistant) "Where's Cluzot?"
Assistant: "He says he'll be here in a moment. He's meditating."
Zack: "Whose he meditating on?"
Assistant: (laughing) "No, really. No chicks this time. He has a kimono on and he's sitting cross legged and chanting Home, Home Home. Even has some incense burning. I thought maybe it was some Scottish thing and he was trying to transport himself back to Scotland."
Zack: "Don't fu ck with me!"
Assistant: "Go see for yourself."
As Zack approaches Gerry's trailer, the door opens and Gerry comes out, fastening his cape.
Zack: "What's this about you meditating? Since when?"
Gerry: (eagerly) "Hey you should try it. It really helps me focus. Some deep breathing and I'm relaxed and ready to take on the world."
Zack: "Quite a difference from your 300 days, when you were pumping all the time."
Gerry: "Yeah, well I've learned my lesson. (grinning) The only pumping I'm doing ......, well never mind. Let's just say I'm trying to be a better man these days."
Zack: "Well, I'm glad to hear it. Let's put the better man to work and get this scene shot, eh. What do you say pal?"
He puts an arm around Gerry's shoulders as they walk back to the set.
Zack: "Okay, places everybody. Ger, let's take it from where you are walking Gorgo around the well and to the copse."
Gerry nods and takes his place next to Lena.
The cameras roll.
Gorgo: "Leonidas, my love. You were so heroic today when you faced up to my mother. I still can't fathom why she doesn't love you as much as I do?"
Leonidas: (thoughtful) "Well Gorgo darlin', that would be kind of perverse wouldn't it? I mean not that I would have any interest in your mother, you know I like em young and nubile like you, but can you imagine how sticky that would be if your Mum fancied me too?"
Gorgo: "I don't mean it that way, silly. You're only two years older than her. That wouldn't be fitting."
Leonidas: "No, I guess not. Besides, you're the only woman for me. I knew that the moment you killed that big spider that was crawling up my leg. You knew how terrified I am of arachnids and you didn't hesitate for a second. You were so brave. A real Spartan!"
Gorgo: "Especially that spider! It was one of those whose poison gives you an "eight hour erection" and I knew I couldn't let you walk around all day with that kind of pain. I do wish they would redesign those codpieces to allow for that kind of thing."
Leonidas: "I've got my best people working on that as we speak Gorgo. A Spartan should never have to choose between his codpiece and his....., well, you know?"
Gorgo: (smiling) Yes, dear. I know. You are so modest not wanting to talk about sex. One of the things I love about you the most. (frowning) That Stelios is always bragging about the size of his spear and making obscene gestures with his real spear. The girls seem to love it, though. (nodding) Not me.
Leonidas: "Well you know my motto. If you're talking about it, that means you ain't doing it."
Gorgo: "Right on, darling!"
They arrive at the copse and Leonidas unfastens his cape and cavalierly swings it around in a flourish, with the intention of laying it on the ground for Gorgo to sit on. However, missing his mark, the cape hits Gorgo in the face and knocks her down.
Zack: "CUT! Darn it Gerry! You just knocked Gorgo down the well!"
Gerry helps Lena up.
 |
| I've been practicing with the cape... |
Gerry: "Sorry Lena. I've been practicing that maneuver all morning and had it down pat. I guess I didn't see the mark."
She gives him a dirty look.
Zack: "Someone freshen the X please, so Gerry can see it!"
Someone draws the mark and Gerry fastens his cape again.
Zack: "Okay. Let's try it again. ROLL!"
This time the maneuver goes perfectly and Leonidas lays the cape down on the floor. He lowers Gorgo onto the cape and sits next to her. He reaches over and nuzzles her neck.
Leonidas: "You smell so good, sweet Gorgo. You know how much I want you. Do you think we could go a little further this time? All this kissin' and no action is killing me. Tomorrow we are fighting the Carpathians and if I die I want to go with the memory of your sweet loving."
Gorgo: (shaking her head) "My mother said you would use that line. Could we try another one? I hate it when she's right! Who the hell are the Carpathians anyway?"
Leonidas: (pondering) "How about...If you don't give me some, I'm going to have to call on Thespacia to shoot my arrow? With you settin' it all a quiverin' all the time, it just seems like you should be holding the bow."
Gorgo: "Okay, I'll buy that!"
Making a face and turning to Zack:
Lena: "Damn it Zack! Who writes this sh it?
Zack: "Come on Lena. You know how wacky writers are. People eat this stuff up. The fan boys will love it."
Lena walks up to Zack.
Lena: "Yeah, yeah. It's always the fan boys. Can't we do something for the intelligent people?"
Zack: "I'll see what I can do. Now go back there and let's get this finished, okay?"
Zack turns around.
Zack: "Where's Gerry?"
Assistant: "Said it was Chi Gong time, whatever that is?"
Zack: (covering his face)"Somebody put me out of my misery! Please!"
The End
Well maybe.
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