Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Nine Lives and Rough Waters for the Muse

Dear Muse,

What a way to get some advance publicity and a little material for future talk shows!   I mean, I know you have nine lives, but I think you've already used up a few of them haven't you?

All kidding aside, it must have been one hell of a scary day for you and to think that you made it almost all the way through the whole movie without something like this.   I was very happy about the fact but when I heard this, I thought...yes...it had to happen to Gerry.  You know it don't you?   No matter how much we push past the barriers, they sometimes push back and this was one of those times.

I have great respect and not a little terror of the water.  I almost drowned once and that little incident set off a chain of dreams later in life that would plague me constantly.  I was on a motor boat and the life test in those particular dreams was always the same.  Two people I loved fell in the water in the ocean and I had to save them and I could only save one and I couldn't swim.  It was terror every time that dream came.   I would make the plunge and I didn't know what the result would be.

I've always thought that the thing that scares you the most is sometimes the thing that gets you and if this was it...it would be the ocean....and I've grown up on it's doorstep.    When I got married, the water ski trips to the lake with a big group of people were always a test for me and the terror just pushed me to get up on the damn skis almost from the first because I dreaded going into the water.

I always pushed back a little and tried to forget fear in favor of exhilaration when I went parasailing or even going up on an "ultralite," (two seats strapped to a lawnmower motor with a propeller).  It's good to work through you fears...  I see you doing it constantly....That's what we humans do all the time.

One very frightening experience years earlier came when my daughter was small and my husband was diving with some friends off the beach in Puerto Rico.   She and  I were on the rocks, watching out not to step on the sea urchins, when she slipped and went into the water.  "This is it," I thought!   The test!   I was able to stay afloat and push her out before getting myself back out and not stepping on the dreaded urchins, but it was scary...and I hadn't drowned.
Later in life there were other dreams (or nightmares).  I would be smashing up against a wall and go up in flames.  It was a constant one.   I would sit up suddenly and scare the hell out of my husband with my scream.  It was always the same one.   Eeerilly enough much later in life I went to see "Fuerza Bruta" (brute force) in NY and had the epiphany that I could just have walked through those walls and they would burst like the paper walls did in the show. I would never smash up against a wall again because I knew I could walk right on through them.   It was very freeing...in a sense.... and of course I realize the nightmares were frustration and fears working themselves out in my dreams.....but when I was having them  they were terrifying for me (for my poor husband too).

I've written this because it's my nature to be philosophical, but also because I sincerely wonder what went through your mind, besides terror, being held under those waves.  Did you say "damn, this is it!" or did you struggle against it?   Could you even struggle against that kind of force or do you just try to hold your breath and hope the bouyancy pops you up before the next wave strikes and all the while being strapped to a board that could conk you in the head?   Was getting the strap off your ankle a thought going through your mind?   Of course the current was going to drag you though through the rocks, so that had to be another fear.   I can almost feel it now thinking about it.  Brrrr!

See, I have a thirst to know how these things affect others...the imprint they leave, if any.  I have a feeling they'll leave one with you.  I could be wrong, but no, I don't think so.

My daughter is going surfing in Costa Rica with her new guy in January.  He's a surfer, diver, etc...and I'm a little nervous for her.  She says she's at home in the water, but I don't believe it.  She grew up around the surfers, but it's not until recently that she's taken lessons.  But then I have to remember that she was the only female on a father-son trip to do some "individual rubber canoe" white water rafting and her dad was so proud of his skinny little daughter  holding her own with all the gung ho guys, most of them six footers.  When she came home she just said her arms and shoulders ached, but she just kept paddling, going with the flow....and....how on this trip, sitting around the camp fires at night, as the guides cooked dinner, she realized how brilliant her father and his friends were...as she listened to their conversations about science, the earth, physics and everything else.

It was a wonderful experience for them.  For him, it was having that pride in her... and for her...well, none of us could foresee then that he wouldn't be around in another two years.

I'll try not to worry about her now because, hopefully, she has good common sense along with the fact her boyfriend is very experienced and will be looking out for her.   And, if she gets in over her head, like the rest of us sometimes do, she will gather her wits,  push past the fear and do what she has to, like she did with the white water rafting.

As for you, I'm so glad you're okay, dear Muse!  On this blog, I've kidded about the sharks and the whales, but I was glad the waves hadn't tested you.  Well now they have and you will have a healthier respect for them and perhaps some residual fear. That's okay.  It's human.

It will be interesting to hear your comments later on.   I know you will have them and give them some humor.  However, for now the incident may push you to examine a little more about life and how precious and how fleeting and how quickly it turns on a dime.  I've seen it.  You've seen it.

Be safe!   And even if you've used up another of your lives, you still have a few more to go. I think you have a guardian angel looking out for you, you know?  But don't push it too far.  Even guardian angels are out to lunch some times!

Does life feel a little sweeter today?  If it does,  enjoy it!  You don't have to go all the way out to the edge for the thrill.  It will come to you when you least expect it!  I expect you know that by now....



Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate

No comments:

Post a Comment