Once upon a Christmas fair
a certain Scot crept down the stairs
The mantel clock showed a quarter to four
as he stealthily strode towards the kitchen door.
Remembering with fright the words mum had spake,
"Now Gerrrardd dinna ye touch that cake!"
But determined he was and quite mad with the craving,
he knew there was little now left that could save him.
His feet were bare and his nose was running
but the plan he had was one of cunning
Anyone who took Ambien...knew the score
and he'd had enough bouts of sleepwalking before.
The ruse was simple once he'd had his fill...
He'd tell his Mum he'd taken his pill
and dead to the world, put his life at stake
and swear he'd not touched the bluidy cake!
But the best laid plans of mice and men
are no match for a mother who knows ye, ken?
When he lifted the fancy cake platter cover
instead of the cake, he found a note from his mother.
"My darlin' son, now that ye're awake
would ye please put the turkey in the oven to bake?
I know you were probably sleepwalking again
But that story is old and I don't buy it, ye ken?
I love you to death and ye know that to be true
So blow ye're runny nose and put on your bloody shoes!
Famous ye may be...and even worshiped by some
But my job is to remind you who ye are when come home!"
He smiled at himself as he turned on the oven
Cunning he might be, but no match for the women
who'd given him birth and knew him like the clock
so nothing she did should ever come as a shock.
Today was Christmas and he'd eventually get his cake
but he'd help her with the turkey now that he was wide awake.
He rummaged through the cupboard and found a loaf of bread
he might not have cake, but second best was what he'd have instead.
The moral of the story is that everything tastes good when one is home for Christmas....and you can't fool mom!
A merry one to all!
Disclaimer: This is a work of pure fiction that exists only in the twilight zone of the writer's mind. Any and all resemblance to any person living or dead is purely coincidental.
Songs out of tune, the words always a little wrong...Canzoni Stonate
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